Vulnerability is a difficult concept to wrap one’s head around. Not only is it a significantly sensitive topic, but it is specific to each person. Everyone has their own way of expressing their vulnerability, and oftentimes people refuse to open up in fear of being seen as “weak”. This mindset is similar to mine and contributed to why I began to not like writing. The writing assignments specifically in WRIT 150 made me somewhat distressed, as they focused on writing about our personal experiences and any topic we desired to write about. I didn’t like the thought of having to reach deep down of who I was and my background. I already knew who I was: a five-foot Korean American who likes music and coding. I love spending time with my family and friends and I love Korean food. Why did I need to write a dreadful 1500-2000 words about who I was?
However, I still approached the writing project open-minded, as I knew that was how I best worked. Upon reflection of my life and all of my experiences, I soon realized that I needed to become vulnerable through my writing. Whether it was sharing my personal connection with music or my relationship with my heritage, I needed to erase a wall I was holding up between my writing and myself. That would be the only way my writing could unveil my true self and put my full effort into.
Prior to the various writing projects in the course, I despised writing because of the sole reason of being vulnerable. I am prone to hiding my thoughts and emotions to myself, mainly as a result of me not liking confrontation. I feel comfortable when those around me are happy, even if deep down I am uncomfortable. Having to write out my thoughts and experiences meant that these thoughts I was having were real and I was confronting them with myself. Writing taught me that to engage with my words, I needed to be honest with myself and my experiences.
vulnerability
The moodboard above represents how I visually perceive vulnerability. Rather than providing specific images, I chose to interpret vulnerability through colors. I view colors as one of the rawest and most candid ways of representing feelings to someone. A large portion of the colors you find in the mood board that contribute to my perception of vulnerability is grey and blue.
Grey and blue are known to represent feelings of sadness, emptiness, and loneliness. That is how I perceive vulnerability, as it is an act of bravery. One takes the step out of their comfort zone to reach out and open up to someone. There is always a grey zone, as one does not know how others will react to their openness and vulnerability. In addition, there remains a feeling of blue, as there is always the possibility that one’s vulnerability will be rejected or turned down, leaving that person to have no one to open up to. Despite the sorrowful emotions these colors exude, there is also the freeness one can feel after stepping out of their comfort to open up to someone, represented by the color yellow. To me, yellow represents the possibilities that vulnerability brings, such as finding a new safe space with someone or gaining a sense of relief after keeping your emotions bottled. These are the colors I experienced as I began to write about my background and life through these writing projects, allowing myself to go through all various colorful zones in my writing projects.
view the experiences chapter ⤵️
Click the video below to watch a time-lapse of the creation of the moodboard! ⤵️